Two times two

My lips were the colour of sickening death this very cold and early morning. I woke up through series of nightmares with you again. A reminder reminded me of you, recently, in a deep leveled conversation. In this remake, you were standing at the top of my bed were I was to sleep, gripping it with the tension like the sweltering heat between a desert and water. I was sleeping with a naked body covered in black and white sheets. My hair dazing lightly over my pillow, all spread out. I start to feel as though something is pushing me under water, and holding my helpless body under. I feel your hand, and I know it is yours. How could I forget that slender, cold hand that once warmed mine. It warps into a retake of the scene that felt like a movie. I yelled at you and told you to leave, you turned and shoved me aside as you walked away. I turned to see your showing your spines home then you disappeared. You didn't leave without taking something, oh no. You took my insides, my name, my identity, my heart, my courage, my strength, my mind and anything else that you made so easy to take. I would have sworn to god to any other man, if they did what you did to me I'd rip each one of their heartless souls to the burning fires of hell. I can't do it to you. You've taken all breath and unbothered thoughts.

Hidden behind a mask of a name, I'm nothing. Inside of me, I have no beats as blood, no emotional feelings nothing. Heartless the word, or maybe even a merciless bitch, if that pleases. Be careful of the curse that falls upon your lovers, you can never get rid of them. My blood stings when your around and I don't speak. I don't say anything when the fire is turned up extra high. Meetings after the incident were seen but by only me. You held my hand again in the car, why? You held my hand in January, why? You offered me a way of being closer, why? You look at me when no one else can see, why? You hate me with a fiery passion and want me to die a thousand ways..lie. I wished to torture the way you tortured me. That wish has now disappeared into roaring oceans and cascading mountains. I can still feel this breathless, stomach knot but when I think about you. It's becoming untied and i'm starting to break the bars of a thing that people dream, desire and want to have.

I actually enjoy my life, but last night made me angry. I didn't like it, and now it's gone. I'm content, and i'm now happy. I feel better now, lashing out. Now, i'll never speak of your name again, and continue as if nothing happened :)